Men, Love Your Wives

Ephesians 5:22–33(ESV)22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

The Bible commands men to love their wives as Christ loves the church.  This is a very difficult command to obey because Christ gave His own life for the church.  In fact He died for it. The kind of love that Christ has for the church is the divine kind of love; a self sacrificing and unconditional love that humans can only hope to mimic.  So how are husbands to love their wives the way that Jesus loves the church? There is no better marriage advice for husbands given anywhere, by anyone, at anytime, than in the Bible.  There is wisdom for husbands in how they should love their wives that is unlike any advice you will find in the world; the Holy Bible. We should let God speak to us on how a husband should love his wife.

When a company struggles or fails, who ultimately has to take responsibility? The CEO. When a nation struggles or fails, who ultimately has to take responsibility? The president, the king, whoever is in charge. How about a sports team, a sports team struggling or failing? Who takes responsibility for that? Well, ultimately, it’s going to be the coach and/or the general manager. Let’s say there’s a military unit, heads out to war, and struggles and/or fails. Who ultimately takes responsibility? Well, it’s going to be the highest-ranking officer. Why, why is that? Because they’re the head. Others under their authority may bear some responsibility, but because they’re in the highest authority, they bear the most responsibility.

So, let me ask you men a question. When our first father and his wife, our first mother, were in the Garden of Eden, who sinned first, Eve or Adam? Eve did. Eve partook, and Adam observed. And then God comes in Genesis 3, and who does he call out for? Adam. He calls out to Adam, “Where are you?”

Why does he do that? Is it that he did not hold her responsible for her sin? No, we read in Genesis 3 that God came to her, spoke to her about her sin, that there are consequences for women today because of the sin of our first mother, Eve. But God held the man primarily responsible, because he’s the head of his family.

That’s why we read in Romans 5:12–21(ESV)12 Therefore, just as sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned—
See because of the man’s sin, the whole race fell. Women are responsible for their sin. Wives are responsible for their sin, but their husbands, in addition, also bear responsibility. What does this mean for your family, husbands? It means that the well-being of our wife is our responsibility.

It says it this way in 1 Corinthians 11:1-(ESV)Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ.2 Now I commend you because you remember me in everything and maintain the traditions even as I delivered them to you. 3 But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.
1 Corinthians 11:8(ESV) For man was not made from woman, but woman from man. 9 Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man.
Paul says that the woman is the glory of the man. That means that she is the reflection of his affection, that if she is flourishing, it should be because of his loving investment and involvement. How’s it going? Proverbs 5:15 (HCSB)Drink water from your own cistern,water flowing from your own well. 16 Should your springs flow in the streets, streams of water in the public squares? 17 They should be for you alone and not for you to share with strangers.18 Let your fountain be blessed, and take pleasure in the wife of your youth. 19  A loving doe, a graceful fawn—let her breasts always satisfy you;be lost in her love forever.
Husbands made a vow before God and before witnesses to love their wives unto death do they part.  God does not take that lightly.  Adultery is a very serious sin and God can not be mocked.  Husbands will pay severely with marital infidelity.  There is no room for compromise here. The lesson for husbands is to remain forever faithful to their wives.  Adultery, or even flirting with another woman which can lead to adultery in the heart, can shatter families, wreck a home, cause bankruptcy, destroy children’s faith in marriage, and can bring down the mightiest of men.
Ephesians 5:3(ESV)3 But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints.

Adultery comes from the heart as Jesus declares in Matthew 5:28, 28 But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

For husbands, adultery in the heart is one of the most frequent of problems in this society.  Pornography destroys lives and devalues women.  Pornography, unfortunately, is far too accessible; on the Internet, on cable, pay-per-view, TV, and in magazines.  Pornography is just as serious as adultery, for when a man lusts after a woman in their heart, they have in essence committed adultery. Same for you women, 50 shades of gray, romance novels. Psychologist Dr. Julia Slattery, author of Finding the Hero in Your Husband, says there are similarities between what happens to a woman when she reads a romance novel and what happens to a man when he views pornography. “There is a neurochemical element with men and visual porn, but an emotional element with women and these novels,” she writes. Women experience a euphoric high when reading romance novels and men experience the same addicting chemical release when watching porn.

Your wife is your garden. And if you don’t like the way the garden looks, you’re the gardener. Song of Solomon speaks about guarding the vineyard. In the springtime of the year, when flowers are in bloom and all nature is telling you to go forth, be fruitful and multiply, the woman warns us of the little foxes that can damage the fragile blossoms of the vineyard, with serious long-term consequences for its fruitfulness Song of Solomon 2:15(HCSB)Catch the foxes for us—the little foxes that ruin the vineyards—for our vineyards are in bloom.. She reminds us that the farmer who invests his energy in protecting the integrity of the vineyard will not regret it later, even though the benefits of this painful perseverance won’t be reaped until the time is fully ripe.

Vineyard tending is a long, patient process of waiting and watching in which one failure doesn’t bring the whole endeavor to nothing. The farmer who fails doesn’t have to give up the vineyard as damaged goods. He can repent and rebuild the broken wall tear out the weeds and start again to watch and wait. Equally, while keeping the walls and weeding is important in vineyard tending, it is not the only thing. It’s about taking care of tender blossoms. Tending your sexual vineyard is therefore not simply about actual physical sexual intercourse; it is about protecting your mind from habitual lust, romantic fantasy, and pornography, all of which can have long-term damaging effects. You can have a vineyard whose walls are still intact but whose blossoms have been trampled into the muddy dirt in other ways.

Colossians 3:18-19(ESV)18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. 

You can’t just stand back and yell at her, or give demands to her, or pass judgments regarding her. You need to love her like Christ loved the church. You need to take responsibility like Jesus took responsibility. You need to pursue her. You need to invest in her. You need to care for her. You need to cherish her and nourish her with the grace that God gives you.

Men, by their nature, tend to be more rough, and harsh with people.  I am not saying that men are inferior to women, but each gender has differences.  These differences, instead of being conflicting, can actually compliment each other.  What men lack in finesse, women may excel at.  Where women lack in physical strength, men may not.  There is a balance between the two in the dance of life where like a tight rope walker; each gives weight to the other side.  This balance adds the feminine and the masculine.  Like when hot and cold are mixed together, there is a moderation in temperature.  Most people like hot showers, but if there is not at least some cold water, it’s painfully hot.

Men need to love their wives and not being harsh with them is showing them love.  Love is a verb – it’s an action, its what you do.  Saying I love you is important, but showing it by loving kindness, consideration, and a soft spoken tone is more important. You can scream “I love you!” but a tender, soft kiss tells your wife more than a hundred “I love you’s” ever could.  Women love to communicate while men are often silent, but when husbands take the time to listen, it births a godly love.  Our actions can show love and our tone of voice can show consideration, but talking with your wife and listening is perhaps one of the greatest things a husband can do.  And not while watching TV. Give her your wife your undivided attention, make eye contact, and just sit and listen to her – let her talk.  She doesn’t need you to interrupt to try and fix things (men tend to be problem solvers); she just needs you to listen to her quietly.  This tells her you value her opinion and that it’s important to you.  This shows the wife that you love her.

1 Peter 3:1-7(ESV)Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

She is the weaker vessel, when there is a noise who gets up and goes check? Should be the man, your not gonna send your wife out to defend the home? Why? She is the weaker vessel. Men are like a thermos and women are like a crystal chalice. A Thermos can be dropped, bumped, handle very hot or very cold liquids. A crystal chalice if bumped or dropped will be damaged, if you put something too Hot or too cold it will crack. A thermos can handle a lot of pressure a crystal chalice cannot. Same for men and women, men are made to handle more than women, and men are to protect their crystal chalice.

Men we are called to love our wives and women you are called to obey and respect your husbands there is no variable in this. But what exactly is love?
1 Corinthians 13:4-7(ESV)4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Men when you read this put your names where love is and but for now repeat after me.

“CYR PUT THIS UP”
I am patient and kind; I will not envy or boast; I am not arrogant 5 or rude. I will not insist on my own way; I will not be irritable or resentful;6 I will not rejoice at wrongdoing, but I will rejoice with the truth. 7 I will bear all things, believe all things, hope all things, endure all things.

When your wife is not flourishing, or your children are not flourishing, we will ask the same question that God asked Adam, “Where are you?” And what we will want you to do is take responsibility. We want you men to lead.

IT’S TIME TO LEAD… Where the head goes the body follows, and if Christ is the Head then men will lead their wives and homes toward a lasting relationship with the Lord. Men you are leading your family just not every man is leading in the right direction.

In the covenant of marriage, Jesus Christ is the capital-H Head. The Head of your marriage is Jesus, and the lowercase-h head is the husband, and the husband is to be part of the church, and learning about Jesus, and seeing how Jesus loves and serves and sanctifies the church. And then he’s supposed to take those examples from Jesus, and by the power of the Holy Spirit, be something like Jesus to his wife, so that she’s cherished, and she’s nurtured, and she’s loved, and she’s pursued, and she’s forgiven, so that she grows in godliness and grace and gloriousness, that the woman is the glory of the man, that she reflects his investment. As a church matures and grows, it reflects the service and the sacrifice of Jesus. So it is with the woman. As she grows, and flourishes, and as her children grow and flourish, it shows the service and sacrifice of her husband and her Lord.

Men Love your wives, pray for your wives, pray for your marriage, lead her, take initiative to romance her, date her, study the Word with her, protect her heart, prtect her mind, protect her soul. Be the man God called you to be. Here’s the bottom line, guys. You need to love her like Christ loved the church. You need to take responsibility like Jesus took responsibility. You need to pursue her. You need to invest in her. You need to care for her. You need to cherish her and nourish her with the grace that God gives you. You men need to know that we will stand before God. You husbands, in particular, need to know that we will stand before God, the Maker of heaven and earth, the one who knows and sees all, and we’re going to give an account for ourselves, as men. And if we’re privileged to be husbands, we will also give an account for our wife. And if we’re given the great blessing of children, we will also give an account for our children. They will give an account, as well, but we will give an account for everyone that is under our authority.

This is what it means when the Bible uses the language of “head,” that we are responsible, in the sight of God, for the well-being of our wives and children. And so, men, you need to know that if your wife struggles or fails to grow in godliness, if your children struggle or fail to grow in godliness, it is your responsibility in the sight of God; in addition to their responsibility, but it is your responsibility, as well, and that’s what the Bible means when it uses the word “head,” and it does so in many places.

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